"Chriss Spermman, coming to you live from the new and improved ESPN studios. That's the new "Engaging Sperm Prevention Network" where your "Bidness" is our business. In the world of couples contact sports, the risks are as great as the stakes are high. At this stage of your life you don't want to get out of it what you put into it. Wouldn't you like to cute the bridge between the "oooh" and the "WAAAHHH"? I'm talking about vasectomy, men! Since I had my vasectomy, I can drive to the basket with the confidence that I don't have to pull up short to take the shot. No more worries about wearing the right protective gear. Now, whether I am on target or not, the score doesn't change. No more stumblin', fumblin', bumblin' on the goal line. No more passing when you can punch it in with confidence on second and goal. No more anxiety. If you bid and win you CAN. GO. ALL. THE. WAY! C'mon man! Don't lay an egg on this offer. Get your spuds off the couch and bid! And tell everyone how much better life is NOT swimming in the gene pool."

The Fine Print: Winning bidder will receive pre-procedural counseling and evaluation, bilateral partial segmental vasectomy, bottle of Motrin and bag of frozen peas. Vasectomy is a permanent form of surgical sterilization and there is some risk associated with the surgery. Please contact me with any and all questions.